THE HISTORY OF THE HELL CYCLER
The Hell Cycler got it's start as an ordinary Sears Kenmore washing machine. The story starts in the fall of 1996 when the
washer became an extra washing machine at the residence of an engineer. Since the washer still worked fine,
this engineer gave the washer to another engineer friend who had just bought a house and needed a washer and dryer.
As fate would have it, yet another engineer friend gave a washer and dryer to the same engineer who had just received
the Kenmore. So, again, the washer was unwanted. When these three engineers were discussing the fate of the
unwanted Kenmore, a voice rang out over the cube walls, "LET'S MIX DRINKS IN IT".
The three great engineers, knowing a good idea when they heard one, ran with it. The first order
of business was to replace or clean all the components that had been tainted by years of cleaning various
undergarments. Initially, this was done by purchasing a new agitator and utilizing a high
technology co-polymer liner to protect the valuable contents from contamination. Later, the garbage
bag idea was scrapped for a more permanent solution. The entire metal tub of the
original Kenmore was replaced with a shiny new plastic tub. One thing was for sure, further testing
and evaluation was needed.
The next order of business was finding a way to dispense the elixir to keep the party-goers content
and under control. Again, being expert engineers, the cheapest solution was tried first -
the bilge pump from a boat. Eventually, a trip to the local surplus store paid off where a vane pump was
purchased for the task of dispensing. Various surplus control components were also
commandeered for the washing machine. A GE Micro 90 programmable logic controller is the brains
of the washing machine. A Banner photo-electric sensor is in place to detect the empty cup of a
parched party-goer.
The next thing this washer needed was a name. At this time, as fate would have it, these
three brilliant engineers were in the possession of three "Chrysler" automotive labels.
The task was put out: what could be spelled with three Chrysler logo's. After consulting the vast
knowledge of the internet, a list of words was generated. Being the experts in marketing as well
as engineering, the words Hell and Cycler were extracted from the list. And thus the
ordinary Kenmore became the mighty HELL CYCLER!
Next on the list of improvements was a new paint job. Coincidentally, one of our three musketeers
had a great deal of time on his hands, being out of work. The paint job consisted of
paint being thrown and dripped onto the shell of the Hell Cycler. A great deal of elbow grease,
luck and beer went to the new paint job, and the results were easy to see, especially on the
walls and floor of the garage where it was "painted".
Years of relentless research and development has resulted the ultimate party conversation
piece. The Hell Cycler has won fans from all walks of life, from blue collar to white collar.
We continue to make improvements, be sure to check back often for the latest developments.
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